


Good for Nothing

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dirk is gay as usual, M/M, both jake and dirk are trans but it isn't explictly mentioned, demiromantic jake english, just know that they are in this fanfiction because i am too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-21 06:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22556788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The way he says that, soft and tender, it makes your heart swell. You hate yourself for it, because he is not a prize. You can’t win Jake, because he’s something that can’t be made or sold or bought and people- YOU- need to stop treating him like that. He is right about one thing though, you are insufferable.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas (mentioned), Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam (mentioned), Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Good for Nothing

**== > Be Dirk.**

You are DIRK STRIDER, fresh off successful sburb session and the celebration that comes with that. While it wasn’t your thing in the slightest, it was decent, and fun. You guess that’s the point of celebrating. To have fun.

It is the dead of night, and you’ve been in your workshop for a week, you live here and currently, what you've been doing for a week is playing the sims 7 and making your whole world and your gods and yourself. By that you mean you've been making you and your friends, and the buildings you built along with them. You also are in your Ex’s hoodie and nothing else, but that’s irrelevant. It is also irrelevant how you’ve making sim you and sim Jake kiss.

You’ve created your whole world in the sims, your family, Rose and Dave are right there with you. Sim Dave has all of the most desirable traits, making him the easiest sim to play with, besides yourself. Karkat, (his sim husband) is also there, living with him. Your simself visits them often, and it’s mutually beneficial for you all to hang out together. Your moodlets go up, and even when Dave isn’t around Karkat and you go and swim in their pool, and you talk about the differences between vampires and humans. It’s fun, and even when your moodlet or one of theirs is down it’s an easy fix to connect with each other. You’re glad to have them as family and you love them. It makes you miss the family you didn’t have in real life for your formative years. Growing up with a Dave your age would’ve been better than the indirect contact you had with his alpha self. Regardless, you’re grateful for what you now have.

Your relationships have been good, actually. Something you’re not used to. You’ve been hanging out with Roxy as well, but it’s less involved than the rest of your family. You never really forgot about her reaction to you coming out. So you’ve been less involved with her. You don’t think she minds, really. You hope she doesn’t. Rose’s sim though, like her brother, remains close to you despite your self isolation. Rose actually helped you make herself in the sims, along with Kanaya and Jade. Whom of which she insisted on marrying both within the world. Sim!Kanaya is a badass, you know this because you made her. You admire her ability to protect people with as little mess as possible. You and her hang out occasionally within the sims world, but you want to up the friendship meter with her, and you've been meaning to get to that. Creating Jade’s sim reminded you of Jake, which isn't a good thing. You try to ignore it though, and Rose took over mainly with her girlfriend’s sim. Jade’s someone who’d tell you to shut the fuck up and get out of this rut, like Karkat. It isn’t surprising they get along. Sims with the “honest” trait usually do.

Your feelings on everyone and everything around you was put on hold for most of your life, like you were putting them on hold until everyone was safe. Now that the impossible has happened, what do you do? 

**== > You play the sims, and you Yearn.**

Yeah. You do and you’ve learned to cope with the brief interactions he’s given you. You suspect he doesn’t want more.

**== > Knock knock, bitch.**

Oh, fuck, someone is at the door. You scramble for underwear and maybe PJ pants if you're lucky.

**JAKE: Dirk? On god, you better be there.**

To anyone else, to people who didn’t know him, he sounded fine, if a little nervous. But action movie heroes never sound scared. And that scares _you._

You don’t even try to look fully decent when you answer the door, his safety is more of a priority than whatever you look like. You open the door, you see Jake, puffy eyed and tired, it looks like he’s been crying. You did this, and that makes you feel like the worst person in the world. Put your emotions on hold again, Dirk.

**DIRK: Are you alright?**

Jake looks up at you, stunned. He’s almost pretty to you like that, but you know better now. He looks like he's seen a ghost. And you don’t blame him, not going outside does nothing for your complexion. 

**JAKE: Dirk! Oh thank God.**

You say it more firmly this time:

**DIRK: What’s going on? Are you hurt?**

**JAKE: I’m fine Dirk. You really don’t have to be so out of sorts about the state I’m in.**

He looks wary, like if he blinks you’ll disappear.

**DIRK: Then why would you come? There has to be something wrong-**

**JAKE: Well golly Strider, what would that be do you think?**

**DIRK: You’re mad.**

**JAKE: Because we haven’t seen you in a week! Nary a fucking glimpse of you for the entire week! Do you know how worried everyone was?**

**DIRK: I-**

**JAKE: Dave hadn’t seen you in days, and started freaking out, do you know how malicious not seeing someone for that amount of time sounds when the last time you hadn’t heard from him is when his alternate person died?**

**JAKE: Everyone has been too horribly afraid of seeing your cadaver lying on the floor on hanging from the ceiling to check on you, Dirk! You frightened all of us to a nigh impossible degree all because you had a temptation to isolate your person!**

Ah, you understand now. Where on his face used to be a “gobsmacked” look it’s now replaced with a look of genuine distress, tears welling up in his eyes. You want him to stop, want everything to be fine, but it’s not.

You touch him, move to hold his hands in yours. He’s taller than you, always had been. But where he feels larger than life the majority of the time he feels so small now. 

**DIRK: I’m sorry, Jake.**

**JAKE: I know you are, you were my best bro after all.**

The “were” stings, but you know why it does, and you aren’t going to change it.

**DIRK: No, really. I fucked up here. I’m sorry I ruined our perfect life here-**

**JAKE: It’s not bloody about that, you insufferable ass. We-** **_I- I was worried._ **

The way he says that, soft and tender, it makes your heart swell. You hate yourself for it, because he is not a prize. You can’t win Jake, because he’s something that can’t be made or sold or bought and people- YOU- need to stop treating him like that. He is right about one thing though, you are insufferable.

**DIRK: I’m sorry for making you worry, Jake.**

Jake tugs on your hands, pulling you into a hug. You missed him, and maybe, _maybe,_ you start crying.

Because here’s the thing with putting your emotions on hold, one day they’ll spill out, and you might feel bad when they do, you do feel bad when they’re spilling out right now, but you’re deciding to let go of that. You’ve never tried genuinely doing anything before, but right now you’re forcing yourself to, and you don’t know how to feel and that feels painful. You grip Jake as hard as you can. You can feel your shoulder getting wet as he grips you. You recognize the tone in his voice when he laughs, shakily and asks:

**JAKE: Is- Is that my hoodie, Strider?**

When you don't respond, he recognizes that he needs to grip you tighter. Jake has always been awkward at comforting people, but you find that comforting. It means it's him, and you need him, and you don't like that you do, and that becomes the one emotion you put on hold for a while.

**DIRK: Yeah, yeah it is.**

**JAKE, sighing: Dirk-**

**DIRK: Yeah- I’ll give it back.**

**JAKE: You don't need to.**

**DIRK: But it's probably more healthy for me, right? I shouldn't be prancin’ around in my ex’s hoodie and my underwear- I** **_should_ ** **get over this.**

 **JAKE: What do you** **_want_ ** **to do? You always blather about “should” and act like everything and everyone is set in god forsaken** **_stone._ ** **That's not letting yourself let go, Dirk. That's boxing yourself in.**

**DIRK: You sound like Rose.**

**JAKE: Yeah well did you ever fuckin’ consider that maybe listening to people you care about is an option? Ive boxed myself in before, you know that.**

**DIRK: So what you're saying, is I should do what i want to instead of what I “should”.**

**JAKE:** **_YES._ **

**DIRK: Isn't that what I should do, retroactively?**

**JAKE: You are the worst, Dirk.**

You smile into his shoulder.

**DIRK: That one’s fair, actually.**

**JAKE: Instead of standing out here like doofuses, do you want to go inside?**

**DIRK: Hey, I’m the one who lives here. Isn't it rude to invite yourself in?**

**JAKE: And you must be dreadfully cold standing with the door open out here in your underwear, Strider. Don't make me force you.**

You pull away to look him in the eyes.

**DIRK: And how would you do that-**

He lifts you up into his Very Very Strong Arms, smiling back at you.

**DIRK: oh fuck.**

**JAKE: Take that, Strider!**

**DIRK: “Take that”? Really? You thought I commited suicide and the first thing you do is pick me up to go inside?**

**JAKE: In fairness, I did yell at you first.**

He turns you both around so you can close the door. You feel safe in his arms, the sensation of his touch completely overwhelming your ability to be overwhelmed. There is warmth to Jake, and one you wish you could have endlessly. For once, you don’t resent yourself for thinking about that. He sets you down on the mattresses you stack on top of eachother you call a bed. He looks down at you in mock disdain:

  
**DIRK: Why aren’t you laying on the bed with me?**

**JAKE: Good golly Strider, you didn’t answer my question. Cuddling and intimacy are only for the polite men of earth C.**

You phrase it like a statement and less of a question:

**DIRK: What I want to do.**

**JAKE: Precisely!**

What do you want to do? 

\---> To kiss Jake.

Not an option.

\---> To talk with him, to cuddle with him.

**DIRK: I want you to lay down with you on my bed, and I want to talk with you** **.**

**JAKE: Right-o.**

He plops down on the bed beside you, and you hold his hand.

**JAKE: Now, Dirk, what do you want to talk about?**

What do you want to talk about? Nothing currently, but you know you owe it to him to talk. You _should_ talk. But he asked you what you want to do. You compromise. 

**DIRK: Nothin’, right now. Can I really keep your hoodie?**

**JAKE: Of course!**

**DIRK: Huh.**

**DIRK: Why do you still care?**

**JAKE: Why do** **_you_ ** **still care?**

Because you love him.

**DIRK: But you don’t like me. Not like that.**

**JAKE: I guess I don’t! I don’t really know, my good chap. I’ve been mulling it over for quite a while. I shouldn’t have done what I did.**

**DIRK: But I understand it.**

**JAKE: Do you believe that you should be forgiven for understandable mishaps?**

**DIRK: Jake…**

**DIRK: are you done with my bullshit?**

**JAKE: Maybe! Only time will tell.**

**DIRK: No you definitely are, you're only sassy when you’re done with the tapestry of irony I have so carefully woven. Kind of just tearing it down with all the ferocity of a sassy retroit and a dashing smile.**

Jake laughs, and you think you may have let it slip that talking with him has made you feel better. 

**JAKE: My explanation is, that while I love you regardless of how I love you, Dirk, I don’t know how I do love you. I believe it may be…**

He pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket, dabbing his brow. His humour makes your heart swell, just a little.

**JAKE: Romantic.**

**DIRK: Fuckin’ Christ English don’t faint on me here, are you getting a case of the vapors?**

**JAKE, yawning: I’m not spouting nonsense here, Strider.**

Oh, fuck. That was cute and you are in a vaguely romantic situation with Jake English. Do not let this go to your head, Dirk.

**DIRK: You sound tired.**

**JAKE: I am.**

Jake sits up to look you in the eyes, and his face is almost over yours, and you can feel your heart flutter and your face get hot, you suddenly are aware of how gross you look. He looks down at you like you looked at him the first time you saw him, and you feel like you could do anything. He’s smiling. It makes your heart swoon, and it feels so good to embrace it like this.

**JAKE: You’re beet red, Dirk.**

**DIRK: Yeah well what's a guy to do with you lookin' at him like that-**

And just to shut you up, he kisses you on your forehead, short and sweet and you didn’t think your face would get any hotter. 

**JAKE: Well Dirk, I have to step out for a moment. Do you think you can get settled down while I leave a quick message for the other Mr. Strider, to tell him the lovely God of Heart is safe?**

You nod, and the lovely God of Hope goes outside to leave your brother a message.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my boyfriend for beta reading as usual and my friend roxyy for giving my ass some criticism  
> remember to kudos my cool fanfic if you liked it! dirkjake real


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